2014.

As the year draws to a close I'm reminded of all the different things that have gone on. 

All the trials. All the triumphs. The exciting. The not so exciting. I have grown so much this past year and learned a lot. 

I know everyone always says they are so excited about the new year and blah blah blah. But I am soooo excited! May is when I graduate college. I'll turn 23 in the summer. I feel like the new year will hold a whole lot of new and exciting things for me. Things will really start to change and take-off. 

Growing up is even more of a reality with the start of the new year. Yikes. 

Welp here's to growing up and 2014!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2014

Emptiness.

The end.

Fall semester is over and I'm moving out of my apartment. I will probably never live with these girls again. I probably will never live in Rocklin again after I graduate in May. Crazy. So much has changed in these past 4 months.

Sitting here in my empty room. On the floor. With Lorde radio on Pandora and a glass of wine next to me.

I feel so many different things. Sad that I'm leaving tomorrow. Sad that I won't ever come back to this place. Sad that this is the end of another chapter. But I'm also excited. I have a home for next semester. I'll have a place to live. Praise Jesus. I only have 5 more months and then I'm done with my undergraduate career. My oh my how the time flies.

I wish that I had more to write. But I feel like the emptiness has just engulfed me.

It will probably all hit in the next few days...so stay tuned for that.

Dead Week.

The week before finals.

Practically the most dreaded week of the semester. Well at least in my opinion.

Honestly...this week kinda sucks. It's your last time in all of your classes and your time is spent cramming the last bit of information before the final or going over the study guides. The professors are just as much done as the students. And quite frankly, I'm SUPER done at this point. We have a whole other week of school! I won't be home until 4 days before Christmas. I think that it's just dumb because our last day is the 20th. It's just crazy to me. But whatever, I mean we get a whole month off for break. So I guess that's cool...I really shouldn't be complaining. But I am. And it's my blog. So I can do whatever I want. Haha!

Enough of that. The cool thing I am looking forward to is snowboarding! A few of my friends and I are going next Friday and I am beyond stoked! It's been far too long and I definitely wanna hit the slopes ASAP!!!

Thank you Jesus that this semester is almost over! It's been a long one. But senior year is almost over and I'm glad! Can't believe that I'm half-way through!!!

Faith.

The importance of being rooted in it. I've seen how very important that fact is. Even just in the past few months, I've seen God move and work in my life. Things that have happened that I don't think I would have seen if I was in a relationship. I personally feel like I am a relationship person. I enjoy being in a relationship. There are times when I want a boyfriend. But let's be honest...that is not a good enough reason for having one. Despite my wanting a boyfriend, I also know that this is not the best time for me to be in a relationship. After graduation, I want to leave the country. I want to travel the world and go teach English some where. If that dream becomes a reality, then keeping a relationship would be quite challenging. Long distance is NOT for me. Been there done that haha. 

Getting back to faith and the huge importance of being rooted in it. 
You know the saying, "you can't love someone else until you love yourself"? Well, I feel like that applies to God and faith. If you don't have a strong faith, then how can you be in relationship with someone who does? Or vice versa. Jesus talked about being equally yoked. When in a relationship, both people should be relatively on the same page and should be building each other up. Pushing each other closer in their relationship with the Lord. 

That being said, since I'm in this time of singleness...all my single ladies! I've really gotten to focus on my relationship with the Lord and see how He has been working in my life. Their have been times when I have run to God with trials and triumphs. Where as before I would turn to a boyfriend. I think that God is teaching me to trust and rely on him. That is something that I constantly struggle with. I am a control freak and I ALWAYS want to know what is going on. I like being certain about things in life. So all the trials and triumphs that have been going on are starting to break me of my controlling nature. More than ever I've felt closer in my relationship with God and I know that it has gotten stronger. This makes me excited. I know that everything that I have been experiencing lately is just preparing me for something bigger. What that is...I don't know. But I am okay with that fact. I am just excited in the fact that God has got it all planned out and I can't wait for what it is!

Thanks God for building me up. I'm learning to trust you more and more and I'm looking forward to the future you have planned.

Being active.

Being active can mean a few different things. Committing to more exercise. Doing something in order to gain something else in return.

I definitely feel like I'm growing up. Learning to be active in my future. This hasn't been easy but it's growing on me. I'm starting to realize that if I want something to happen, I need to buck up and do it myself.

For example, next year. I graduate college in May. Hallelujah! It seems like it's been forever that I've been in college and I'm ready to be done and move on to the next thing. I really feel like I am being called to go overseas and teach. It's just a huge itch I've got and I think that it is time for me to move on and go :) But in order for me to go, I need to look into everything. I have to do everything. All the research. Reaching out to contacts...it's all on me.

This is something that has really resonated with me this past year. I need to take control and be proactive in my life. It's tough at times, but I 100% believe that it will all be worth it.

Thank you God for giving me the kick-start to be proactive and take charge of my future. I know that you have a plan, but I can't just sit back and wait for the awesomeness to fall in my lap. I have to grab life by the horns and take it.

Queen B

Oh man. That woman is a performer. I just can't. Words don't even begin to describe.

I got to experience this amazing woman Monday night. It was a once in a lifetime experience and it was worth every pretty penny. FANTASTIC.

Watching her perform was an actual experience. The lights. The smoke. The fireworks. The fire. The dancers. The backup singers. The band. The two different stages. Every single one of her outfits. Like how does she do it?! And she had a baby. What kind of magic is this? Whatever it is, I want some.

One of the best parts of getting to see Beyoncé perform live was that I was with a very dear friend of mine. Getting to go to the concert with her was a real treat. Samantha and I met our first year of college. Fresh out of high school. We lived in rooms across the hall in our freshman dorm. I don't know what it was about that girl, but I was drawn to her and her energy. Sam is always expressive and just so caring and loving. Incredible really. And to think, we haven't been at the same school for 3 years now, and we live in different states, but she is still such an important person to me. A true friend. And a true blessing.

Thanks B for giving us more of a reason to get together after a long time apart. Watching you perform and hanging with Sam was a thanksgiving treat I won't soon forget. Until next time Queen B.

Thankful.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING. 

Today has been full of love, laughter and lots of people I love. 

This morning my fam and some friends went on our traditional hike up the LG trail. Man what a doozy. I forgot how strenuous a hike that was. But it was still fun nonetheless. Such a lovely view and good convos with great peeps. 

After getting all squeaky clean we finished up the last few cooking details and got ready to host the turkey dinner. I personally was anxiously waiting the arrival of my baby cousin! He just turned 4 months and has grown so much! We were so excited and ready to snuggle the sweet baby boy. 

As everyone arrived at the house, I was reminded of the awesome people in my family. Yes, of course sometimes I get annoyed and can't wait to get away for some peace and quiet, but they are truly wonderful. I have really learned how blessed I am to have the fam I have and I've come to truly appreciate my family and their greatness. 

So...I am thankful for my family. My friends. For laughter. For love. For my God, and his countless blessings on my life. For joy and peace in The Lord. For the beauty in nature. For hugs and kisses. For sweet, baby snuggles. And fits of hysterics. 

I am so glad and thankful for the life I have been blessed with. I hope that you were able to see how much you have to be thankful for just as I have. 

Happy thanksgiving errybody! 

Independence.

Definitely a part of growing up.

I was scrolling trough my Facebook feed tonight and saw something a friend shared. 5 things to do as a single. Or while you're single. Something to that affect. Naturally I looked at it. I mean it had a great hook title and I'm single, so why not.

The items were be firm in your faith, get grounded in your personal identity, focus on school or your career, learn to be independent, and stop dating people you know aren't right for you. Phew! What a short list, but a hefty one. 

The fact of being a single kinda means that you are pretty much independent. Just because of the simple fact that you aren't attached to someone...no bf/gf status for you. That in of itself is independence.

I think know that our culture as all about never being alone. Constant connectivity. We are the age of technology. We are always "with people". With our phones always in our hands, we never have to be alone.

What is it about being alone? Why is it so awful? I don't even know. I know that there are times I don't want to be "alone" so I whip out my phone and look aimlessly through all my social media. Does that prove to others that I'm not really alone? I don't know what it is, but it's definitely something of our culture.

This weekend I went all independent. Now I did make some plans with friends but I also made plans to do things by myself. For example, I went to church all by myself. And I went to yoga class all by myself. Ooo, look out world! I know those things weren't huge, but generally, I don't do things by myself. I like going with others. Especially because I'm an introvert, people mildly drain me. So I like having a buffer. That way I don't have to talk/interact with others so much when I go out. Genius right? Yeah, I know :)

Well being independent is a part of growing up. I'm learning to embrace my independence and go with it. Because, I am growing up. And I will need to be able to do things myself. We all need a little independence in our lives. So here is to growing up and embracing our independence! :)

Self Control.

Self control. The ability to control oneself, in particular one's emotions and desires or the expression of them in one's behavior, esp. in difficult situations.

This was the definition that Google gave me. Technology. Where would be be without it?! 

Anyway...what does it mean to have self control? Is it acceptable to have it and apply it to a particular area of life and not to others? What are sure fire ways to maintaining self control?

Man o man do I wish I knew the answers to those questions. Does it mean that I walk into a clothing store and look around, even try stuff on, then walk out purchasing nothing? If so then I'm getting better at that part. Successfully achieved that this weekend haha. Or does self control mean that we act not on our emotions but based on logic and practicality? 

I think that to an extent, it's both. Not only do we have to have self control and not buy every little thing in a store, but we also need to learn to slow down and think before we act. Go against our instant gratification culture. Our constant streaming of "connectivity". Self control. 

As I write this, different instances are popping up in my head about times when I had self control and times when I didn't have so much. I'm far from perfect but sometimes I wonder how it's possible  to keep it all together, to have constant self control. Seriously, what does that even look like?

For me, the answer is simple. Jesus. He is the perfect example. Not just because he is the perfect example does not mean following him will be a piece of cake. I'm constantly being reminded of that and how I need to lean on him to get me through. With Jesus I can have self control. And I am so thankful for that fact. 

Life Lessons

Sometimes you have to be careful what you ask for. 

As I looked back through my journal, reflecting on things, I noticed a theme I had written down the past few weeks..."spirit lead me." "I am here." "Send me." 

God sure does answer prayers. 

Challenges with growing up and having to make "adult-like" decisions were definitely taking their toll on me. I was stretched too thin and wondering why all of this was hitting me so hard as if a ton of bricks had just fallen on me. 

And then the answer was there. Staring me in the face. I had asked for this. I told God I was ready. And he listened. He answered. Although it's tough going through rough patches in life, it's all in preparation for for something bigger. I just know it. 

So in the future, I'm going to be a little more careful in the things I pray about. I know that God has got a plan for me and even though it is sometimes tough and really trying, I am glad that he is prepping me for what is to come. 

Thank you Jesus for having a plan and purpose for me. Thank you for walking alongside me through everything. 

Let's be honest...

I don't know how many times I've started a blog and after awhile failed at posting and then deleted it. So here is to this time working out! Hopefully I'll keep it up and this attempt will prevail.

Something that I've realized over the past few years is that my thoughts, experiences and all that jazz are important. This space doesn't have to be super hi-tech like some of the other ones out there, and that is a-okay. If this blog is just another way for me to get my thoughts out there, then why not. And I've been told by some wise women in my life, that my story is a true testament to God's glory, grace, and love. And when it comes down to it, who's story isn't all those things? Plus, who knows who it will encourage.  Now I'm not saying that I will open up 100% on here, but baby steps. That's a good place to start. This might even end up being a therapeutic thing for me and help in my healing process.

What's in a name?
The name of my blog is from a line in one of my favorite worship songs, Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United. When this song hit earlier this year, it almost instantly became a hit for me. Truth be told, worship music is not my absolute fave. I'm a country, alternative, mainstream indie kind of girl. AKA not a worship fangirl. I didn't grow up listening to it in the car or at home. Mama played the country music and that's where my love is. All that said, I do enjoy worship music, but it just has to grow on me and is continuing to.
Anyways...getting back to why I chose this title. I really love this song and having the Spirit lead me is definitely something that I am striving for everyday. It isn't easy by any means but I know that when I let it go and let God, he works wonders and things are infinitely better than anything I could have imagined. So making it the title of my blog will remind me every time I go to post, to let the Spirit lead me.

Above all else I know that God's got it all handled and he is in control. He's brought me this far, and the journey has been quite the experience. My hope is that through writing down my words, I will be able to see different instances of God's work in my life. And that maybe some where, some time, some one will be touched and encouraged by my words!

Till next time :)